And this was the time when I finally realized that I have nobody to talk to. Someone I trust enough to share my strange deeper feeling. Someone who's not my lover or sister or mother. I can count my real friends with just one hand. I know lots of people and I keep lots of Phone numbers and emails. But somehow I don't feel comfortable enough to share the wound inside my feeling. Its hard to find someone who able to hear without judging me.
Maybe I can share my tears with you, anonimously. Since I don't know you and you don't know me. If you have time to read this story then you may also have time to share your thought with me.
I must confess that I'm a high temper kind of woman. And quite perfectionist too. I'm a well organized person and love to do things by myself. When something went wrong in the process I can get mad quite easily, especially if it happens because someone did things differently from what I them to do. In this case, I'll be furious. Deep in my heart I know its wrong and I often regret it the moment after.
The furious and regret are bad bad combination for me. I cried silently. Just like now. I think i've lost my temper since afternoon and unable to smile even if its time for me to go to bed right now. I still feel like I want to cry. My lover is out of town and I can cry freely.
Right now I feel better. This writing things apparently has wipe away some of my anger and calm the fire inside of me. And now my tear has stopped.
Well, whoever you are who accidentally stopping by this blog and read this insignificant post yet still reach the end of the post, I'd like to say thank you for stopping by. Don't forget to leave something which maybe can make me smile :)
Well, its time for me to try to lay and close my eyes. Gosh! I feel so tired and tomorrow is still a busy day for me. I hope whatever I feel right now isn't the sign of depression much less an emotional breakdown. I pray to God.
Nite nite, gorgeous.. Sleep tight.. XoXo